Today should've been a great day full of laughs and sunlight. The latter was true, the former, not so much.
How does this happen? I've spent a lot of time working on the new album. I'm scared because once again I'm laying my heart and art out on the line and it's just tough. I don't want a pity party, it's just weird. You spend so much time creating, thinking you're handing something out there that people have been asking for, then you're scared to death it's going to fall flat on your face.
In the words of Seth Godin, "Fail fast and often. If they don't like it, make better art." Easier said than done right? The failing is what keeps me awake.
I've heard the tracks and shared with a few of you a sample of what's to come. I do feel like it's my best art to date. Deep down I know it's my most promotional ready music I've done. It really is good. The musicians who played on this record are phenomenal. This is not to diminish the other albums I've made before. At the time I made those, I believed strongly I was giving you something worth listening to; something from my heart. This however I feel could be BIG. And maybe that's where the rub is. Too much expectation? Maybe. But...it wouldn't be called a dream if it seemed to good to be true.
I'm sitting here again after midnight because I can't sleep. I'm tired but it's not sleep, it's a tired of the soul. Do we as humans ever grow out of needing others approval? Probably not. We're all wanting approval and recognition. I had a brother-in-law who you would've thought didn't need anyone. Deep down I still believe he's one of the most lonely people I know.
I spent last weekend in Chicago at conference for independent musicians. I met some great people but the highlight of the weekend was sharing dinner with a homeless man named Damian right on the sidewalk. He was recently homeless and just down on his luck, but he has a daughter and granddaughter close by but didn't want them to know how hard he'd fallen. I marvel at the dependent. I marvel at how we can be so in need and yet so proud. We were both sitting there, both in need, both wanting approval, so we made fast friends. I probably won't ever see him again but I hope he remembers me. I feel a need deep down to be remembered by him. To know I made a small impact in his life and recovery. Isn't that what we all want more than being wanted? To know we make a difference to someone else. That the world would be sadder if we hadn't lived or had lived but are now gone.
We parted ways with the words of a thief ringing in our ears. "remember me when you come into your glory."
All my offerings of music and your support of me leaves me humbled yes, but I'm still amazed that I so often think I deserve something. I'm so very proud and self-serving.
What gave the thief the audacity to ask such a question?
I hope Jesus remembers me.
I hope I'm humble enough to ask.
I hope you like the new record.
I hope you remember me.
I hope I give you something worth remembering.
I hope I've been enough of a human worth remembering.
I hope Damian is back on his feet and had a great day, with sunshine on his face and peace in his heart.